Author: Jesse McCarthy-Price
Published: March 06, 2017
How are you feeling after the weekend? I write to you in a terrible state. I’m tired, nauseous, unmotivated and I have a whole bunch of things I should be doing (like writing this article) but all I really want to do is eat something real slutty (if I can stomach it) and watch Riverdale on Netflix.
But we can’t wallow in self pity all day, so here are the solutions to the collective struggle we all face post-long weekend.
They say the first step is always the hardest, and in this circumstance they are not wrong. You’re going to be tempted to order something raw-vegan-organic from our beloved Ollies, but this is a mistake. Instead choose something Normal You would never order (fried) and consider visiting somewhere breezy like Ocean Blues or TBB (unless you were there last night). Do not choose something sweet: you will vomit. And if food isn’t manageable right now, go see Mario at s’juice. His kindness will improve your terrible mood and his juice will improve your health.
The obvious choice is Blue Haven or West Beach. But if your situation is anything like mine, the thought of the heat-exhaustion that will ensue from climbing all 15458453953 stairs on the way up is enough to keep you in bed. So, settle for Salmon Corner or Twilight out of respect for your worn-out little bod.
We’re not talking about your living room either, which is probably still scattered with empty bottles and glasses from last night. Shower, dress yourself, get out of the house, and enter the air conditioned sanctuary that is Fenwick 3 Cinemas. It doesn’t matter if the only thing on is Toy Story 12. Eat the salty popcorn, sip on some Sprite (apparently scientifically proven to help hangovers) and be happy.
Now that your body is sufficiently full of both alcohol and greasy foods, it’s time to think health. Schedule a massage or facial at Azu’re, consider the dietary supplements and health foods at Naturally Esperance to get you back into shape. Another good thing to do, so long as you’re rehydrated and on the mend, is head to the sauna at the Leisure Centre to sweat out all your terrible toxins. Keep sipping that water though, we don’t want you to faint.
For those less inclined to hit up the health stores, I suspect you’re more into the hair-of-the-dog method. I don’t know how you people do it. But it is a long weekend after all, so why not head down to the Goose for a bloody mary, return to TBB, or perhaps try a Lucky Bay Brewing tour. You’re going to go either one of two ways - a drink will pep you right up, or it will make you sleepy enough to go home and crash. Just remember that either way, you’ve got nothing to lose - you’re already at rock bottom.
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Saturday, 24 April 2021